Ihatemylife

well, next month the love of my heart is going to makkah to get his hajj done.. hope everything will turn-up well..sayang u,b ..xoxo

HELLO world. It has been awhile since my last update for this crap little thing of mine. So, hello again! This month had been so terrific especially when my ex-bf nadal won his 2nd wimbloden, and finally became the world number 1 tennis player (again) acknowledging the defeat of roger federer! woHOo..yup, roger is OUT! hehe the best thing of all, my favorite team for this year WORLD CUP, had actually won against Holland! YES! YES! HO,HO,HO.. And to make it more awesome, i actually had the chance to watch usher’s concert live in Bukit Jalil, (thanks to my both sisters, i LOVE YOU J) with kak mimie and her friends. Its been pretty great, except for the current job that i’m having.

I seriously detest this job now, eventhough the pay check is quite high, but i couldnt bare the fact of being scolded every single day for things which is obviously isnt my fault. Isnt it unfair for them to just released their anger to us? Sumpah bodo diaorg tu,k.  Iv once told kak mimie that i am going to quit the job but cancel those thoughts when she replied “ IF being scolded every day for the things that u never do wrong, could actually bring food to the table, why should you stop?” B.A.B.I  She never knew what it feels like to be curse like “fuck u!, Cibai, Go to hell!” by those (obviously) uneducated customers, and dont get me wrong. I am not saying that i am annoyed and felt insecured by those words, its just that i am feeling very much tired and i had enough of working in this type of environment. I enjoyed being scolded for things that i did wrong so that i can learn my lesson and be better in the future. Anyway, enough for this crap. Im quiting the job anyway at the end of this month J

Relationship with buaya feels like a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes it filled with excitement and sometimes it filled with tears (both, good and bad tears,ok).  What do you expect, we had been together for almost 4 years now, and sometimes i do felt tired of doing the same routine everytime we went out together. Last few week, we had a fight because i couldnt stand the fact that everytime we went out during my off-day, the only thing we did together was makan and watch movie (the one that he like—like all the time,k). At one point, i had a deep conversation with him saying a little piece of my mind “ Why do i have to actually follow all the things that you like? Why do we have to do it in your way, like all the time? Why, it is always me who have to care about what u feel?” .  Then i gave him my silent treatment for almost 1 week ( didnt txt him other than saying gudmornin and nite2). Then, he once noticed the different attitude of mine and he decided to confront me regarding these fragile things of ours (I thought of breaking up with him, telling him that we dont have things in common, maybe we should had consider this relationship years ago –such a waste of time). He started to explain the different-age-factor, (when my tears started to crawl down against my cheek, and my heart started to tell me that this relationship was a termendous mistake that i had  done in my life,ever. Falling in love with an old man, first love pulak tu. That was huge,ok! It affected me like, i-am-going-to-die). I told him that if he wanted to give me that EXCUSE, he should consider telling me that before we actually fall for each other, like 4 years ago. Please give me reason instead of those lame excuses of his. I seriously felt like i am going to kill him for saying those words  which fucking hurt my feelings. There! He had done. Thats it, i am soo ready to break-up this 4 years relationship of mine. EH, i’ll update this story later, k. My mum is calling me.. huhu…

-ihatemylife-

Hey, today I wanted to talk about the job interview that I had on last Thursday. Actually, I got the agent’s number from a friend of mine, who I met during the ptd’s exam. Her name is Nurul, and she is still working at the streamyx’s branch in TTDI. So, on that morning (Thursday), I did try to call the agent, Mr. Zul, asking him if there are any vacancies available for fresh graduates in the streamyx’s company. As fast as I remember, he immediately told me that I need to attend the interview at 11am (did I mentioned that the time I was calling was around 9am? Just woke up, to be exact) at the building opposite KFC in TTDI. Ergh, I feel like throwing up since I am not that really prepared. I didn’t expect that he’s gonna arrange me the interview like on-the-spot! I haven’t done any research on that company; I haven’t been practicing the common question that they are going to ask in the interview. I seriously feel like wanna puke. After I took shower, I immediately went to kak ah’s room to grab her formal trousers since I don’t have any (need to wear formal attire) to match it with my blue ~PINK~ shirt that buaya bought me. Afterward, without having any breakfast, I rushed to my car, and drove straight to TTDI. Reached there around 10.45, and as I entered the building, I saw plenty of people wearing the formal attire were standing right in front of the office that I was going to. And when I asked them, I was surprised when we are all here looking for the same job. Crap. I felt so tiny, because most of them were engineering graduates. Shit, all of the sudden, I felt incredibly stupid. How am I supposed to compete with all these smart-kicking-ass-students? When I went inside the office, everybody was looking at me like I’m an alien or something (Seriously uncomfortable). Then they gave us a form to be filled in, and to be honest, I was kinda lost. Mine was almost blank. Working experience-blank, SOCSO number-blank, highest achievement-blank, reference-blank, skills-blank (oh, I did wrote Microsoft office, but still, other skills-blank), club-blank.. Well, most of it was seriously blank. Afterward, they separated all of us into four groups to complete a test consists of English and Bahasa Melayu subjects. The one who made it was transferred into another room for briefing about the job. Seriously, I had no idea that the interview is going to involve a lot of stage. In the briefing room, the agent people explain to us about the job (technical service provider, I fucking don’t know what was really it until they explained it to me when I was the only girl who put up my hand when the guy asked “any of you did not have a clue about this job?”). And the guy named Jason was so nice to give the whole candidates a lecture (as if I’m in an IT class or something) since I was the only one who totally don’t know the IT term. And seriously, I was completely blurred. And the guy (seating in front of me, near the door), who I thought was one of us who is applying for the job (turns out to be the agent guy) was giving me the sarcasm smile every time Jason asked me to list down all the operating systems, how to delete cookies, how to see the IP address and so on. I was mortified. Because I seriously don’t know any of those terms, and judging by the lecture that he gave me, I was 100% confident that I was going to fail the IT test and all the 3hours that I spent there before this will be a complete waste. SHIT. Luckily, I was seating next to an IT graduate, named nisha (she’s an Indian). She did help me to pass the exam by giving me some answers on few questions (thanks though, and I started to like the 1 Malaysia concept, hehe). After those who passed the exam was announced (*cough*I was selected of course), we had been asked to move into another room for an interview in GROUP. I KNOW!! IN GROUP. How embarrassing would it be if you screw it up?? Erghhh. A while later, the guy who was watching me over the IT class came into the room, and gave us a little speech on how lucky we were to be at this stage. And he said to the class “I am worried about you, Syafinaz, you looked kinda lost, and I am scared that you are not getting the job because you looked so shy. You need to relax, a bit, don’t get too nervous, I know that this is your first interview (I lied of course, so that they won’t put too much pressure on me, haha), I know you can do this, ok? Good luck to you and to the rest of the class too”. OK. That was ODD. How did he know my name? And why he need to say that like in front of everybody, which make me sounds obviously stupid. And why did he even care? I was pissed. Afterward, the interviewer came in, and I was surprised how many kelantanese people were in the same room as the process of interviewing was held. I was like wth? It’s a good thing, though. They hardly can speak English and the way the spoke was totally one of those typical-klantanese-accent which I always imitate! (ok, by saying these, its kinda bad, but hello, I need to compete with them before I can actually get the job!). The three girls (including me) and few boys were selected to the last stage- typing test. And all of us passed and were hired. YEAAH.. The most ODD thing about this whole thing was, the agent guy, text me later on, introducing what his name was and so on..and so on…  Err, resolution year 2010 number 11 (decided to add-up another one), find somebody to flirt with- remark as done :P  –GULP-    

First of all, I felt sorry for myself for not having the chance to blog for almost 3 days in-a-row. I have the reasons why

1.       On the 4^th, I was on my way back to KL.

a.       Transportation= TRAIN

b.      What is so wrong with the train, if u asked me? Train= 14 hours journey until I can actually reach KL

c.       So basically, TRAIN+14 hours journey= totally fucking boring of 14 hours+ itchiness (I think it’s because of the bedshit, haha) + KL

d.      So, could somebody tell me whether it’s really worth it? I would say, PRICELESS. Because basically KL= Buaya + job opportunity. Here are some pictures of me and my little sister, lin, while we were on our way back here

2.     Reached KL on the 5^th, Like 10 am in the morning. In the afternoon, I went out with my Buaya for lunch, came back, felt sleepy. Took a nap for a while and later on that night, I brought my parents out for dinner and at the same time, I did stopped by at cupcakes wondermilk to buy k.ah her bday cake. Waited for her for almost 2 hours to surprise her at the front door, with lighted candles on the cupcakes, which almost burn the cake itself.. The candles called “Magic candles”, these candles will automatically light-up again once you dah blow it. Didn’t realized it until that thing happen..ha-ha (oh, not to mention, can you imagine, how k.ah’s saliva kena the cake? Hehe). Anyway, later on, that night, Syafiq came to see me in my room and hand me over a paper bag which consists a present in it. And I was informed that Emily gave it to me as a Christmas and New Year’s gift. I was shocked. I mean, I didn’t really contact her after I quit the job and now she’s giving me present? I felt bad. I did call her afterwards, saying how gratitude I was. And now I really wanted to go to MPH to buy her the twilight books.. Anyway, here’s the picture of the gift that she gave me.. how thoughtful..

3.       On the 6^th, I went out for a movie with my parents and Lin. She’s been (LIN) forcing me to bring her to watch that stupid movie called ‘Alvin and the chipmunks’. Pure SUCKS. Oh, my mum fell asleep in the cinema until I can actually hear her snoring so loud. How embarrassing is that? Later on we had lunch at Nando’s. Then we headed back home. Feeling a little tired, abg firos called me, asking my parents, Lin and me to dressed up since he’s taking us to Pantai Hillpark, Oldtown for a surprise birthday party (some sort of) for k.ah. It was boring..her friends semua reporters pondan who looked at me in one kind. Some of them were saying ‘Sexy niena sekarang, kelass, mesti la nak kena satu level, kan?’, I was like wtf?  Then I backed off from them a bit, and just hang out with Lin and her DS-lite (I know! How pathethic).

4.     And today…. On the 7^th, I am proud to tell you that I am not longer jobless. Resolution year 2010 number one=remark as done. Wah.hehehe. The interview was very interesting and I am so lazy to type it out now..Tomorrow, perhaps?  Adios.. XXX

Today I’m feeling a bit gloomy, and I don’t really know why. Let’s think about the possible reason that causing me to feel this terrible shit-kinda-feeling

1. Joyah called me like early in the morning asking me a favor to accompany her to register my nephew to his new school. She talked too much, telling me how pissed she was, when her friend refused to survey the school for her. Then, I scold her letting her know that she has no right to be mad at her friend since she’s the one who’s doing her a favor in the first place and before I could actually finish my lecture, she just hung up. BODO. Totally bodo, and that really spoilt my mood for like, the whole day?

 2. Tried to make an effort not to argue with her by calling her cell phone for about 5 times, I think. But she never answer, which was really like “WTF, I’m the one who should be fucking mad, right now!”

3. My mum still wants me to stay at KB. She keeps on asking me, when we are coming back to KB after seeing the AJL thinging.

4. Fuck, what if I didn’t get a job before AJL? Now, I don’t have an excuse to stay at KL (even though, I already told her that its very, very hard to get a job in KB)

5. Feeling lonely, especially when buaya really didn’t pay me much attention, lately. Working, katanya. I totally doubt that. He even got the chance to attend few wedding and parties which involve the woman that he took picture with. I hate it. When I started nagging him saying “oh, you can go anywhere that you want. It’s not like you’re going to cancel your planned if I didn’t let you”. “You can gatal with anyone that you want, it’s not like I can’t do the same thing to you!” Then he said, he have to mingle with these type of people (the VIPs), if not, if he need to attend a formal event, he will be lonely, cause he knows nobody. Then I was like “oh, what you’re trying to say is that, you’ll end-up like me, isn’t?” then he paused. Then I said “talk to you later, BYE”

6. Started to process the whole conversation that I had with buaya, and started to think ’with whom to gatal with?’, ‘shit, how to gatal when I got no friends?’ , ‘Fuck, after eliza left the country, I totally got no one else’, ‘crap, no wonder buaya felt so secured with me, it is because, I got nobody else except for him =I tak laku’

With the above reasons, it can be concluded that all of it really affected my mood, today. Bye.

Oh, please excuse my language. I’ve been staying in Kota Bharu for almost, let me think..o yeah, for almost a year now and you couldn’t blame me for trying to blend into the klantanese culture,hehe. Seriously, HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS!! Oh my god, I like the idea of a fresh starts for everything. Sumpah, I really need it. So, what’s my resolution for this year, you asked me?

1.       To get a job

2.       Be independent in almost everything!

3.       Build a new social group (since my BFFs is no longer here in Malaysia. I know, am so pathetic)

4.        At least give my mum around RM 200/month (a good daughter who have a job, usually did that, and I wanted to be one)

5.       Save LOADS of money = can travel and shop in LONDON+PARIS

6.       Buy myself, an LV bag since buaya refuses to buy me one (I hate u for this, b!)

7.       Make sure whether I am happy with my relationship (chop it off, if it’s the other way round)

8.       Join a mandarin class

9.       Learn how to read Quran

10.   Be more open about everything (sisters, friends) not being judgmental

I think, for the moment, these ten should be hard enough to be achieved within one year, don’t cha think? I’ll update myself If I achieved any of the above, ok.  BYE.